I know helping a friend is an obligation. Especially one that is in despair and is in terrible need. But why am I feeling so guilty? Ok it was wrong. What you did was terribly wrong. And I know that the whole helping a friend thing doesn't even remotely justify me helping you out. I thought long and hard before I made my decision. Heck I was even depressed over this for quite a while. But in the end, I chose to do what I always do. I chose to be your rock. With the hopes that you would repent, and not repeat the same mistake again. Also that you would get rid of that leech sucking every bit of you, though I knew that you definitely wouldn't. And after it was over, I expected you would cry, or show even a wee bit of remorse, but I could see neither of them. You seemed so cool, and all you could voice out was,
"Terima kasih lah cik Farah."
Ok firstly, I don't appreciate you thanking me nonchalantly like that. It's not like I want you to get down on your knees, bow to me three to four times like the Japanese always do, and cry your lungs out while thanking me. But atleast, show me your gratitude sincerely, prove to me that you regret what happened, and promise me this won't happen again. Secondly, I helped you. I was involved with what you just did. I now carry part of the sins you've committed. Ok, I know I might not be the model servant of His but my faith is still strong, and I am scared of Him. I am scared of what you did. And with you taking this as something that is of the norm, scares me even more. I haven't been able to sleep well these past few nights. I don't know whom to talk to. I can't talk to him since he won't understand how big this is for me, I can't talk to the girls since it is not my secret to tell and I certainly can't talk to my parents since I know they'd scold me for sure...
Oh God I'm so miserable right now. I just hope this feeling would go away soon. I'm tired of thinking about this all the time and feeling all guilty about it. And I'm scared too... Sigh...
"Terima kasih lah cik Farah."
Ok firstly, I don't appreciate you thanking me nonchalantly like that. It's not like I want you to get down on your knees, bow to me three to four times like the Japanese always do, and cry your lungs out while thanking me. But atleast, show me your gratitude sincerely, prove to me that you regret what happened, and promise me this won't happen again. Secondly, I helped you. I was involved with what you just did. I now carry part of the sins you've committed. Ok, I know I might not be the model servant of His but my faith is still strong, and I am scared of Him. I am scared of what you did. And with you taking this as something that is of the norm, scares me even more. I haven't been able to sleep well these past few nights. I don't know whom to talk to. I can't talk to him since he won't understand how big this is for me, I can't talk to the girls since it is not my secret to tell and I certainly can't talk to my parents since I know they'd scold me for sure...
Oh God I'm so miserable right now. I just hope this feeling would go away soon. I'm tired of thinking about this all the time and feeling all guilty about it. And I'm scared too... Sigh...
26th August 2009