I know helping a friend is an obligation. Especially one that is in despair and is in terrible need. But why am I feeling so guilty? Ok it was wrong. What you did was terribly wrong. And I know that the whole helping a friend thing doesn't even remotely justify me helping you out. I thought long and hard before I made my decision. Heck I was even depressed over this for quite a while. But in the end, I chose to do what I always do. I chose to be your rock. With the hopes that you would repent, and not repeat the same mistake again. Also that you would get rid of that leech sucking every bit of you, though I knew that you definitely wouldn't. And after it was over, I expected you would cry, or show even a wee bit of remorse, but I could see neither of them. You seemed so cool, and all you could voice out was,
"Terima kasih lah cik Farah."
Ok firstly, I don't appreciate you thanking me nonchalantly like that. It's not like I want you to get down on your knees, bow to me three to four times like the Japanese always do, and cry your lungs out while thanking me. But atleast, show me your gratitude sincerely, prove to me that you regret what happened, and promise me this won't happen again. Secondly, I helped you. I was involved with what you just did. I now carry part of the sins you've committed. Ok, I know I might not be the model servant of His but my faith is still strong, and I am scared of Him. I am scared of what you did. And with you taking this as something that is of the norm, scares me even more. I haven't been able to sleep well these past few nights. I don't know whom to talk to. I can't talk to him since he won't understand how big this is for me, I can't talk to the girls since it is not my secret to tell and I certainly can't talk to my parents since I know they'd scold me for sure...
Oh God I'm so miserable right now. I just hope this feeling would go away soon. I'm tired of thinking about this all the time and feeling all guilty about it. And I'm scared too... Sigh...
"Terima kasih lah cik Farah."
Ok firstly, I don't appreciate you thanking me nonchalantly like that. It's not like I want you to get down on your knees, bow to me three to four times like the Japanese always do, and cry your lungs out while thanking me. But atleast, show me your gratitude sincerely, prove to me that you regret what happened, and promise me this won't happen again. Secondly, I helped you. I was involved with what you just did. I now carry part of the sins you've committed. Ok, I know I might not be the model servant of His but my faith is still strong, and I am scared of Him. I am scared of what you did. And with you taking this as something that is of the norm, scares me even more. I haven't been able to sleep well these past few nights. I don't know whom to talk to. I can't talk to him since he won't understand how big this is for me, I can't talk to the girls since it is not my secret to tell and I certainly can't talk to my parents since I know they'd scold me for sure...
Oh God I'm so miserable right now. I just hope this feeling would go away soon. I'm tired of thinking about this all the time and feeling all guilty about it. And I'm scared too... Sigh...
26th August 2009
9 comments:
hope you're holding up. love you.
farah? were u talking about, erm, something i know?
Muz: hey so this is why u called me last night.. I was already asleep lah at that time. I sleep early and I wake up early too now. Im finally normal woot! Btw im fine la. Sometimes je it gets bad... Huhu. Love u more babe.
Ira: Erk. Tak... Come back faster i miss u.
hmm. love youuuuu. ur the best. seriously.
N
be brave and tell d person that u're absolutely hate what she's doing.confronting is not a crime,rather than u felt miserable and living in sins as well pulak.kesian la kat diri tu siket.
be brave la.its ok to be hated for what u're stand for but plz,give urself a break,let it out.stand up for the truth.be brave girl.chill.
Nad: You're the best too! I cant live without u seriously.
Anon: I did tell her a couple of days ago. I love her so much that I cant be mad at her for long. But thanks anyway for ur advice! =)
hugs farahhh!!!
haaaaaaaaaa who can't live without me cpt ngaku pulak whahahahaha
I'm no saint. I've learnt that all the sins we've done, we will have to pay back in some way or other. The bigger the sin, the greater the payback.
We all say we believe.But we don't . To really believe that God is powerful, that he could take anything away from you in just a blink of an eye if He chooses to. And He too could give anything you want .If you only ask.
Knees dont buckle no more at the mention of God's name.it takes time to be afraid.
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