The Cats are Out

9:45 PM

Not in a good state of mind

Posted by kikolala

Can I quit living life? Can I just die right this second? I don't even know what's the purpose of going on. I don't have the slightest passion on what I'm currently doing (I hate studying, I hate doing assignments, I hate memorizing all those stupid drugs, I don't go to classes, I don't know anything even after 2years of doing pharmacy. Ask me anything and I'd promise the blank stare that you're gonna get) I could literally sleep for 3days and nobody would even notice my absence, I don't have that much friends (I wanted to watch a movie a few days ago and I couldn't think of anyone else to ajak after the girls told me they're busy), I'm lame and a misfit, I don't know who I am, I can't define myself, I don't stick to my principles, heck I don't even know what they are! I My love life is going nowhere, I'm broke and in debt, I say things I didn't mean and hurt people everywhere I go, I waste my time envying other people's lives yet I do nothing with mine. I seriously don't know why God created me. I'm a useless piece of shit and I don't deserve to live.

15th October 2009

comments (4)

TOP

2:12 AM

Yes I miss him.

Posted by kikolala

I was sorting out the pics in my laptop when I stumbled upon this one.

Don't know why this particular pic (an unflattering one at that) suddenly brings a rush of emotions and is causing me to miss him soooo bad I might just cry. =(

13th Oct 2009

comments (1)

TOP

4:42 PM

30sen

Posted by kikolala

I wanna blog about Penang but sangatla malas so lets wait for Ira. =p

Oh and Alhamdulillah kitorang selamat pergi and balik.

Update: Ira dah blog! Click here.

4th October 2009

comments (1)

TOP

7:47 PM

Saya takut dan risau...

Posted by kikolala

This morning i was awakened by Jihan's screaming and banging on my bedroom door. Turns out Carlos (my cat) was hit by a car, my neighbour's to be exact. I was kinda pissed and definitely sad too cz its like Lala's case all over again. I don't want Carlos to die like Lala but now it seems like he's really going to... =(

And then, this evening my dad called and informed me of the earthquake he felt and apparently, the earthquake hit Padang causing tremors in Malaysia. And there's the tsunami in US too.

Okay my concern now is, Penang is tomorrow. Why all the bad omens in one day? I'm kinda scared now and am thinking of canceling the beachside hotel and stay somewhere faarrr from the beach. I even thought of asking Ika to only drive 80km/h all the way there. Lantakla lambat sampai pun. I seriously hope all this paranoia will lead to nothing and we'd all be just fine... Amin... Oh and I hope Carlos will get better too...

30th September 2009

comments (1)

TOP

7:48 AM

Karma

Posted by kikolala

I am a bad bad bad person.

I went to pasar malam yesterday and while trying to drive out of the narrow street lined with motorcycles parked on both sides of the road, I knocked one of them down. And the worse part was, I didn't stop to lift up the bike or wait til the owner comes back and apologize or whatever it is that a good person would do, I just drove away. T_T

This is not the first time I did something like this. I still remember the first one, I was driving in Ampang with my sister. At night. It was a busy road. I was trying to make a left turn when I felt something weighing down the car. My sister suddenly screamed at me and said I hit down a bike. When I looked back, the rider was trying to get the bike up while looking at me. Ok, looking at my car. I was so freaking scared that I sped off. All the while being yelled at by my sister asking me to stop. But in my defense, I couldn't possibly stop there as it was a busy road like I've mentioned earlier. It was also at night and I was only with my sister. What if that person got mad and beat us up or something. Hohoh.

Whatever it is, I feel really really bad for what I did (though they were accidents) and I feel bad for the people involved. Or should I say the victims? Dahla my results are coming out in just a few hours! I hope God doesn't punish me through them... Or else I'd be doomed.

Update: I passed! Woohoo! Alhamdulillah.. :D :D :D

2nd September 2009

comments (3)

TOP

9:11 PM

Only Human

Posted by kikolala

I know helping a friend is an obligation. Especially one that is in despair and is in terrible need. But why am I feeling so guilty? Ok it was wrong. What you did was terribly wrong. And I know that the whole helping a friend thing doesn't even remotely justify me helping you out. I thought long and hard before I made my decision. Heck I was even depressed over this for quite a while. But in the end, I chose to do what I always do. I chose to be your rock. With the hopes that you would repent, and not repeat the same mistake again. Also that you would get rid of that leech sucking every bit of you, though I knew that you definitely wouldn't. And after it was over, I expected you would cry, or show even a wee bit of remorse, but I could see neither of them. You seemed so cool, and all you could voice out was,

"Terima kasih lah cik Farah."

Ok firstly, I don't appreciate you thanking me nonchalantly like that. It's not like I want you to get down on your knees, bow to me three to four times like the Japanese always do, and cry your lungs out while thanking me. But atleast, show me your gratitude sincerely, prove to me that you regret what happened, and promise me this won't happen again. Secondly, I helped you. I was involved with what you just did. I now carry part of the sins you've committed. Ok, I know I might not be the model servant of His but my faith is still strong, and I am scared of Him. I am scared of what you did. And with you taking this as something that is of the norm, scares me even more. I haven't been able to sleep well these past few nights. I don't know whom to talk to. I can't talk to him since he won't understand how big this is for me, I can't talk to the girls since it is not my secret to tell and I certainly can't talk to my parents since I know they'd scold me for sure...

Oh God I'm so miserable right now. I just hope this feeling would go away soon. I'm tired of thinking about this all the time and feeling all guilty about it. And I'm scared too... Sigh...

26th August 2009

comments (9)

TOP

9:24 AM